at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
