Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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