I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
