I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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