It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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