I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
