I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
