i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
