totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
