I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize