called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
