like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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