I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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