everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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