some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
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