dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
