Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
