i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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