Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
