What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
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def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
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I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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