just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
