It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
