Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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