We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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