There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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