You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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