So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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