i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
