Just fell off a train. Bad.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
