I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
