Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
