yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
