She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
