taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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