Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
