I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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