I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
