Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
