I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
