Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
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He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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