i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
