arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
