Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
