Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
