we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
