we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
