I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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