i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
