in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
