Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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