You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
