I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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