Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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