oh god the rape fog is back!
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
