pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
