my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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