The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
