is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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