addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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