I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
