I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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