ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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