so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
then he tried to convert me to islam
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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