I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
