is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
