you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
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