you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
