Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
