Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
