No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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