He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
