just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
