puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
