One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
