I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Your topless pictures make me question reality
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
